“To understand the immeasurable, the mind must be extraordinarily quiet, still.”– Jiddu Krishnamurti
King Tut experienced new pussy. Where does that leave me? How do I feel? How does he feel?
Jealousy isn’t really something that overpowers my emotions but I will say curiosity does. Was she better? Do you want it again? I asked all these questions and more wanting the full truth even if it hurt. I believe in full transparency even if the picture isn’t what I imagined. All the answers to my questions worked out in my favor and made me feel better and more secure in my own thoughts, however, I wondered how I would feel if they didn’t.
What I came up with is that this life isn’t always about competition. Honestly, in polyamory it could be extremely destructive to all parties involved. It’s not about who does what better or what feels better, but rather experiencing something different and new; the consistency of not being monotonous. I don’t aim to compete with a fellow sister over something so minuscule as sexual encounters. Sex is great but it’s not what keeps a man/woman. If that were the case, we would be stuck with someone that doesn’t serve us wholly as a person. What’s the point?
We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.”
― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, We Should All Be Feminists
Something else I came to the realization of in my dark corner thoughts is that you can’t be EVERYTHING a person wants….Let me repeat. You can’t be EVERYTHING a person wants….and that’s OKAY. That shouldn’t even be a requirement. “While it is true that no one person is perfect for another, we generally live under the illusion that we are perfect for each other in that we make up for each other’s imperfections” (Tea Time wit Tomato). It’s not really fair for you or the other person to take on that pressure or expect that of your partner. Shortcomings are a part of any relationship. It’s compromise and adventure that drives it forward.
Now this first encounter was purely sexual so you may ask yourself what if more builds? What if there is a deeper connection? What if he wants to leave you? Honestly… So be it. That may sound harsh or that I don’t care or insensitive but hear me out. I can only be the best version of myself and if he feels that it isn’t good enough then it is only human nature that he would want something better. I am not here to withhold anyone from their true happiness or keep them locked in a situation that doesn’t serve them. Don’t try to swing yo ass back this way though if the shit don’t work. LoL!
This mindset of locking someone down is purely selfish and you can only hold on to a tensioned leash for so long until one of two things happen: It snaps or you let go. I’m not cramping my hands or experiencing rope burn for anyone. You shouldn’t either. Don’t get me wrong… I will fight for my man but only within certain boundaries that I feel benefits the both of us. Happiness is an emotion that is dictated by HOW you think and not necessarily by the actions of other people or circumstances.
I also don’t believe we as humans have a finite amount of love to give. It’s possible to love more than one person and no one has to be replaced. I repeat…No one has to be replaced. If you are interested in polyamory then this is definitely something that you should remember.
Lastly, I’m not worried about my marriage dissolving because King Tut is smart. He knows and doesn’t take for granted the relationship we have built and will continue to build. I am fortunate to have someone in my life that truly understands my worth and sees what I bring to the table. Years of hard work and labor isn’t going to be broken by swift encounters and interactions.
After The Push… Trip or Fall? I’d say we landed just where we needed to be. Love never faltered. Relationship stayed sealed. Minds remained open.
“The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.”― E.B. White
See you next Tuesday.