“Your inner thighs like the petals of a newly opened lily

Long, smooth and sensually captivating

Drawing me into the center of the flower”

― Bill Weber, Choosing Me: Love Letters from a Poet, Volume 1

Adonis and I are notorious for engaging in sexual activities while watching anime and this last night with him was no different. While we were watching TV, Cayenne came back over to keep us company. We all got about half way into the show before Cayenne started giving him head. I was pretty focused on the show and didn’t realize the activities taking place next to me until I heard an abundance of slurping sounds. They were on the couch and I was cuddled up on a large bean bag. I continued watching my show while they entertained each other.

Cayenne has stamina! She was suckin’ Adonis down to his soul for over an hour. Adonis pulled his phone out and they began making content for OnlyFans. I wanted no parts of being in anyone’s production so I got up and went to the bed to go to lay down. Not too long after, Adonis came to my bedside and asked if I wanted to play. “Absolutely.”

He began kissing me as he turned me over onto my back. I was already naked so there were no barriers in his way. He got right to what he wanted and began eating me out. I felt Cayenne’s lips on mine and her hands caress my breast. Adonis began kissing me again. While his lips remained locked on mine, I felt him began working his way inside me. Inch by inch he took it slow until the base of his dick reached my vaginal lips. His arms framed my body and remained locked and tight while his torso hovered over me. Light from the salt lamps bounced off his skin and gave him a godly glow. I saw his abs stretch and contract rhythmically as he moved his hips slowly working my middle.

My body continued opening for him. I turned over on all fours, my body begging him to come back to me. Cayenne slid under me and began sucking my clit. I felt Adonis come back in. He got me open and his pace was faster this time. A perfect speed. Cayenne stayed sucking my clit while Adonis did his work. This shit should be illegal. He turned me onto my side, lifted my leg up and continued stroking me from behind. Cayenne didn’t miss a beat. Her lips never parted from me. My juices and her saliva were running down my leg. She licked it up, swallowed, and placed her lips on the shaft of Adonis’s dick before each insertion into me. Adonis began to increase his speed. I felt myself spinning into an abyss of pleasure. I opened my eyes only to notice that I was lifted off the bed. He cuffed his arms under my spread legs and never skipped a beat.

He stood tall on his knees. My back against his chest with my legs wide overhead. He held me by my thighs still stroking in and out of me. This gave Cayenne full access and I remained helpless in this position to move. She was still sucking my clit and Adonis remained strong in his dick slangin’ capabilities simultaneously displaying his upper body strength.

When he was about to cum, he removed himself from me and Cayenne took the reigns to swallow him whole and get fed. He laid us back down. He still held my legs spread wide, back against his chest, and Cayenne went back to eating me out. I felt her fingers enter me, rubbing my g-spot while her tongue worked my clit. Adonis kissed and licked my neck and ears. He let go of one leg and grabbed my neck, pushing my face toward him as he trust his tongue into my mouth. I kissed back and began moaning loudly. Her fingers and tongue continued working for my pleasure until I finally came to a climax.

We all fell asleep together only to wake up only 1 hour later so Adonis wouldn’t miss his flight. He had to travel for work. He kissed us both, and left. Cayenne got up a few hours after, kissed me and left to start her day. I laid there in Adonis’s bed replaying the night in my head. Eventually, I got up, took a shower, cleaned this man’s entire fucking house and left to catch my flight.

Until next time.

“The completion of the soul’s journey is proportionate to our ability to integrate spirituality (the heart) and sexuality (the body).”

–Michael Mirdad, Sacred Sexuality: A Manual for Living Bliss

I woke up early the next morning to find myself embraced in Adonis’s arms. His skin felt so good against mine. His breath tickled the top of my scalp. I curled closer into him feeding off his calming, dominant, energy as he slept. His eyes opened and I felt him hold me tighter. “Good morning, Baby”. He said. “Grand Rising, Love.” I replied. He then kissed my forehead. I got up to get a drink of water and crawled back in the bed. Fuck it… I want him…NOW.

I began kissing his neck and trailed my way down. I put him in my mouth and began sucking and stroking him, feeling him grow larger by the second. Soon, he filled every wall of my mouth and I let him train my throat as he stroked my face. I began drooling all down the shaft of his dick and let him choke me with it. “Yes, Baby” I heard him moan. “That feels so good” He continued. It was at the completion of that sentence that left his lips, and fell onto my ears, that made me want nothing more than to hear him say it again. I continued sucking and making every effort to dive the full length of him down my throat while my hands played with his balls. “OOoooohh, Empress.” He continued. My eyes are rolling in the back of my head. I’m turned on by his pleasure. I look to see him watching me. I hold eye contact with him as he fills my mouth. He briefly disconnects from my lips and a trail of saliva bridges from the tip of my tongue to the tip of his dick.

“Fuck.” I hear him say as he anxiously grabs me and lifts me on top of him. I straddle my legs around him, grabbing his dick to put inside me. I had to cautiously work my way to the base of his shaft. Inch by inch, my pussy made progress swallowing him. When I got to the finish line, Adonis’s hips began moving slowly and fluidly stroking my mid section. His large hands locked onto my waist keeping my body stagnant and submissive to his control. His slow, long strokes took over my body. I was his in this moment and I wanted to be. He released his grip and I reversed my position spinning around while he was still inside me. I rode him here in reverse cow girl until he said he was about to cum. I slowed down immediately. I wasn’t ready for this to end yet.

He wasn’t ready for it to end either. We both propped up on our knees and he began fucking me doggy style. One hand gripped my hair and the other my neck. I was fully in his bind. My pussy gripped his dick with every stroke. I felt his pace quicken. He released my neck to control the helm of my waist. I heard him groaning behind me until he finally came. I felt his body hovering over my back as he collapsed to all fours above me. I turned over, kissed him for a job well done. He kissed me back. His body descended on mine, receiving my gratitude, and returning the appreciation right back to me.

Until next time.

“we can proceed without knowing or expectation”

–Mariah McKenzie, More: Journey to Mystical Union Through the Sacred and the Profane

Adonis was hungry and I was his meal. He opened my legs and pressed his tongue against my flesh. The surface of his tongue gently grazed my clit. His warmth took over me. I felt the pressure of his warm breath cover the space between my legs like a velvet blanket. I happily fed him until almost abruptly he stopped, checked his phone, and went upstairs. I laid on the bed naked, shortly awaiting him to return to me wondering what the fuck was going on. Like who the fuck just gets up from the table like that?? I heard his front door open and close. Soon he came back to me and behind him was an unfamiliar face. “Empress, this is Blank. Blank. Empress.” Adonis introduced us. I didn’t even really hear her name. I was somewhat in shock that there was another woman here that I have never met. Not to mention, I was ass naked on the bed upon her first laying eyes on me. “I was just having my breakfast.” He told her. Adonis then came back to the table and continued to eat me out while Blank watched. I closed my eyes, tilted my head back, and focused on Adonis’s hands gripping my thighs and pulling me in close to his face.

Very few moments passed before I felt the pillow-y soft lips of Blank pressed upon mine. Her soft fingers ran down my body, landing on my butt as she continued kissing me. I felt her squeeze and I kissed back running my fingers through her curly hair. Adonis took a break from eating and got up to take a shower. My new friend and I continued making out. I felt her smooth skin climb on top of me. Our lips laid locked together in passionate kissing and playful biting. Her hair began tickling my neck and trailed down my stomach. It was her turn in line at the buffet. She began softly sucking on my clitoris. I felt the full width of her tongue lick me like I was her favorite ice cream flavor. Her tongue made circles around me like bees pollinating a flower. This girl, whoever she was, had endurance. Her lips laid locked on my vagina through multiple highs.

She got up and began kissing me again. I could taste myself on her lips. Now I see what all the fuss is about. My turn.

I sat up from the bed and switched our positions. I laid her on her back while continuing to press my lips against hers. Soon I trailed my kisses to her ears, neck, shoulders, and breast. I made it a point to take my time with her and tease her. I licked down the center of her stomach to her navel and continued my journey gliding my tongue in the grooves of her v-cut. I slid my hands under her thighs, spreading them apart to get the access to her I wanted. I didn’t know who she was but I wanted to make her feel good. I started with wet, long, strokes of my tongue starting at the base of her labia all the way up past her clitoral hood. My tongue danced with her in a multitude of patterns. I felt her hips sway to the rhythm of my tongue. All I thought about was focusing on her. I studied the movements and jerks of her body, the cadence of her breaths, and the volume of her moans discovering what she liked most.

I found the sweet spot (pun intended) and when I did, I held my ground. I continued sucking on her clit and as her moans grew louder and consistent and I felt her hips sway closer to my face. I took this as a sign that she wanted more, so I slid my middle finger inside her and began stroking her g-spot with the tip of my finger. My tongue and lips remained locked on her. She moaned louder. I slid in another finger stroking and twisting them slowly inside her. She’s singing to me now and I want to hear the rest of the song. I start sucking and licking her faster. She has my fingers soaked and dripping. I felt her pussy grab my fingers as she let out a loud moan. I slowly released her from my spell and put the two fingers I was pleasing her with in her mouth. “Taste how good you are.” I whispered to her. She giggled softly. “Oh and…nice to meet you.” I said.

I don’t know when Adonis made it back to the bed, but while I still had my fingers in Blank’s mouth, I felt Adonis’s hands grab my hips. He turned me around and began kissing me for a job well done. He laid on the bed. Blank began sucking his dick. Adonis instructed me to sit on his face. I happily obliged. Blank and I put Adonis to work. I rode his face while she rode his dick. We all changed positions and while he was fuckin her from behind, I began kissing her and putting my fingers to use by rubbing her clit. We finished with her riding him until he was about to cum. She jumped off him right before he climaxed and I used my hands to finish him off. I had the world’s power in the palms of my hands. His body became weak and sensitive to the touch as his cum showered my fingers and left my hands covered with white gold. I heard him lose his breath for a moment. I felt his legs twitch beside me. I noticed his words not making a way out of his mouth until finally he released a short and powerful groan followed by deep breathing.

Time to shower, go to the store, and eat lunch after the dessert we all had. I got up and Adonis followed me to the bathroom to clean up. “What was her name, again?” I asked. “Cayenne.” He said.

Until next time.

Aligning with yourself, then another and you both aligning yourselves together further in harmony will summon source energy in ways you couldn’t imagine.

–Shalom Melchizedek, Cosmic Sexuality

I took a solo trip to Atlanta. King Tut stayed home. No worries though, Essence kept him company. Usually I would stay at my god parents house, but this weekend they went to Savannah. Vicky and I remained in contact after Adonis introduced us. Later we decided to take a trip together to Atlanta to get away for a little while, and hopefully, continue what we started the last time the three of us were together. She was going to stay with her friend for a couple days and I asked Adonis if I could stay with him. He said yes. As the trip approached, Vicky wasn’t able to go to Atlanta anymore and I was ‘stuck’ with spending most of my time with Adonis alone.

Adonis and I have known each other for about 2 years but communication between us is very limited. We speak only when I am in Atlanta or when he is around New Orleans. Even then, it’s never a guarantee that we will see each other. This is what worked for us, even though a part of me longs for more interaction with him outside the bedroom. And now here I am…about to spend 4 nights with Adonis without King Tut to come back to after my fun.

I had no idea what to expect except good sex, some time to myself,, and an opportunity to see my friends. I was looking forward to Vicky being with us, however, I didn’t let the change in plans ruin other opportunities. So… I boarded my flight and looked forward to new experiences.

Adonis picked me up from the airport. My body always feels calm when I am around him, but my heart races in his presence. When we arrived at his house, we went down to his room where we were greeted by a naked woman sitting on the floor. I later found out her name was Serena.

Adonis and I cuddled up to watch anime while Serena remain captivated in her phone until she eventually left for the night. Once she left, Adonis and I continued watching Seven Deadly Sins until it was time for bed.

While I went upstairs to get water, Adonis took off all his clothes, turned all the lights out, and got in bed. I came back downstairs to a dark room. I got in bed with my pajamas on and laid next to Adonis. His skin smooth. His heart beating powerfully. His breath deep and heavy. “Why do you have your clothes on? You sleep with clothes on?” he asked. “No, I usually don’t but I was being courteous.” I replied. “That’s cute.” He said. “Take them off.” We both laughed and I removed my clothes, as instructed, and returned to my space in his arms.

We laid there for about 10 minutes. He held me from behind and we playfully caressed each others bodies. His fingers gently ran up and down my thighs and wrapped around my waist. His palms gripping with a little more pressure on my legs and ass. He held me tightly. His mouth remained in close proximity to my neck. I could feel his breath tickling my skin. His energy was feeding mine so I turned around and kissed him softly. He kissed back and our tongues tangled and danced with each other. In the midst of our make-out session, he rolled on top of me. We passionately kissed until I began moaning just from his touch. I felt him grow and get harder. The tip of his dick stayed teasing my gates to paradise until clear viscous nectar flowed from its doors slowly opening for him. He proceeded to gently take small strokes to work his way inside. It took some time to stretch enough to fit him in, but he was gentle and patient.

“Damn, you feel so good.” He moaned in my ear. I nearly fucking lost it. Something about a man moaning and me being the one causing it by just existing does something to me. He continued slowly stroking me while I lay on my back. I felt his large hand wrap around my neck as he licked and nibbled my lips, continuing to kiss me passionately. I continued to let him fill me up as I envisioned watching us together beside the bed. His hips moving rhythmically between my legs. My legs wrapped around his waist encouraging him to go deeper. The balance between pleasure and pain danced with my inner masochist. I heard my pussy getting wetter and his moans growing louder. We rolled over allowing me to ride him. I worked my hips slowly on top of him. I fed him long and slow winding of my waist granting him full access to the depths of me. “Fuck” I heard him say as he grabbed my ass commanding me to stay still so that this moment wouldn’t end early. I gave him some time….maybe 10 seconds. Lol. I smiled and kept going; my hips bouncing up and down and swaying side to side, increasingly gaining speed. I felt his hands grip my waist, and his groans become deeper. “Yes, baby!” He said.

Adonis must have received a bolt of energy from the gods of which he was born. I felt his hand grip me tighter. He had full control of my hips and he used his power to dominate my body. His hands became a restraint, holding my body still above his. I felt him thrust faster and deeper into me while my legs straddled him. My mouth remained open and my head tilted back. His strokes literally left me speechless.

He sat up and moved us to the edge of the bed. I later felt my body defy gravity as he picked me up and cuffed his arms under my legs. His strength and dexterity allowed our bodies never to disconnect. While he was standing and my legs remained straddled around him, he began stroking and fucking me leaving me unable to move except only to hold him around his neck for balance. My pussy never let go of his dick. My thighs continuously bounced off of him by the rhythm of his strong arms and momentum repping my body weight like I was a part of his new workout routine. We continued here until I felt his legs tremble and he laid me back down on the bed. He performed a few more strokes until he came all over my stomach and nearly collapsed on top of me.

We both laid on our backs, at the corner of the bed, for a moment, riding the waves of sexual energy radiating off the both of us. It was our first night together and it started off pretty fucking good. Time to shower.

Until next time.

One needs to reflect regularly on their past actions and present endeavors to combat isolation, discouragement, and uneasiness.

–Dr Prem Jagyasi

Adonis is always travelling for work. This time, he landed in a city that was a 2 hour drive away from my house. He called me one evening to let me know his plans and asked if he could stay with us for a night. “Of course.” I said. This was a surprise for me especially since it’s a 2 hour drive in the opposite direction of where he needed to be for work. Ever since I broke up with Romeo, I have been receiving more contact from Adonis. I am not complaining in any way. It’s just a reminder of how funny the universe is. As the time for his visit approached, he sent me a picture of a friend of his and asked if I liked her. She was beautiful and definitely my type physically. He then asked if she could visit while he was in town. “Absolutely”.

Adonis and his friend, Vicky, arrived at our house. That evening, Adonis cooked a delicious meal for everyone. Our meal was followed by many rounds of pool, drinking games, and a dirty game of truth or dare which included the four of us flirting, kissing, tying, and licking on each other. As the night ended, Vicky and Adonis retreated to our guest room while King Tut and I retreated to our own suite.

The original plan was for King Tut to leave Adonis, Vicky, and I to play while he found something else to do. The plan was not for him to join for a few reasons. For one, King Tut and I decided that play time with others would not include both of us together with another party. And two, adding another man in the mix was never discussed with Vicky. It was our first time meeting her and I didn’t feel comfortable posing that question. It was late and the new dilemma was whether or not I joined Adonis and Vicky while King Tut was still in the house. My interactions with Adonis have never been…. quiet (lol) and as open as King Tut and I are, we rather not hear our spouses sexual experiences with others if we are not a part of it.

I wanted so badly to join. Hearing Vicky’s moans coupled with the banging of our guest bedroom headboard up against the wall made it even more enticing. Adonis drove 2 hours out of his way. Vicky was also a 2 hour drive away from our house. A lot of pieces were shifted to fall in place for this evening to happen. However, the one piece, and the most important piece, of King Tut not being home for the festivities did not fall where it needed to.

King Tut and I had a conversation about me joining them. Eventually, he appeared to be on board, but I could tell he was uneasy about it. I did not need another situation like the first time I was with Adonis (The Wrath of King Tut). So I declined. King Tut continued to encourage me to join my friends but by time he convinced me to go join, the party was over. A little sad and slightly disappointed, I laid my head back down on my own pillow.

Although the night did not go how I wanted, I think the night went exactly how it should. I never want to put my husband in a situation where he would feel left out or uncomfortable. Had I interacted with Adonis and Vicky, I know this is exactly how he would feel. He may have held his true emotions inside for the sake of my happiness, but this is not ideal for either one of us. My husband is by far more important than any threesome. If it’s meant to be, it will be. With that in mind, I slept peacefully.

Until next time.

Sometimes massage is the only thing that makes sense.

-Unknown

Occasionally, King Tut gives me massages on the weekends. It’s become one of the things I look forward to in our time together. Tut bought a massage table, bed warmer, and massage oil specifically meant to help me relieve stress. My weekdays can be pretty long and a lot of the time I rely solely on weekends to get sleep and relax. Lately sleep has been difficult for me and I’ve found myself wide awake at 3:00am having not rested my eyes yet.

King Tut went to prepare the massage table while I was downstairs prepping meals for the week. Once I was finished, King Tut informed me that he was ready for me. He took my hand and lead me upstairs. As I approached the room, I saw dark pink lighting overflowing from the entry door frame. I heard the voice of one of my favorite artists filling the room with humble melodies. Candles and incense burned releasing pleasing aromatics in the air.

I crawled onto the warm table and laid face down. Soon, I felt Tut’s large hands gliding over my body applying the perfect pressure to help me relax and melt into the table. He paid special attention to each part of my body. My neck, shoulders, back, and legs all received special attention and pressures customized for the needs of my body and comfort. He asked to to turn over and continued massaging my arms, legs, and feet.

At some point I fell asleep and woke up to Tut running his fingers from my breast’s down to between my legs. “Can I help you a little further?” he asked, while he rubbed my labia. “Yes”, I moaned. He asked me to bend my knees, bring my feet together and leave my legs opened wide. He began massaging my inner thighs and released pressure as he worked his way up to my groin area. His thumbs began lightly playing around the perimeter of my lips. They slowly moved closer and closer, massaging the doors to the depths of me. King Tut knew there was no entrance without pleasing the mistress. His fingers grazed up and down over and around my clit. I felt myself getting wetter and wetter as my husband made all plays to keep his wife stimulated.

The doors opened and my nectar flowed dripping onto the heated bed under me, I felt him insert his finger inside me. His long fingers played me like a piano and I moaned an entire symphony for him. He stood tall and stout above me. He looked into my eyes with endearment and love. He wanted nothing for me but to keep me happy. The only thing on his mind at the moment was my pleasure.

I gripped onto the bed as I felt my body go into a state of ecstasy and high. My legs tensed up, back arched, toes curled. My neck lengthened and my words and breath became short and inaudible before I let out a loud moan. A euphoric explosion occurred between my legs. I felt a release of the burdens I carried that week. I laid there on the bed, eyes closed and forehead damp with sweat. King Tut gripped my chin, turned my face toward him and kissed me softly. “Time to get ready for bed, Empress.”

Until next time.

Submission is not about authority and it is not obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect

Wm. Paul Young, The Shack

I needed a stress relief and Clyde came to the rescue. We set up a date for me to be his sub and I anxiously arrived on time to offer him my body. While Clyde would be acting as my dominant, King Tut would be giving Clyde’s wife, Bonnie, a massage while they both enjoyed the show.

“Take off your clothes.” Clyde softly spoke in my ear. I did as he told me. “Lie down”. He proceeded to massage my body with coconut oil. My body lay glistening under the red lights bouncing off my skin. Beside me lay blindfolds, ropes, floggers, hand cuffs, and a plethora of items that vibrate. He reached over to blindfold me. Darkness. I felt his energy cross my body again. This time to grab the black silk rope that laid beside me.

He positioned me on all fours, instructed me to arch my back so that I laid face down, ass up, with my arms between my legs. I felt the silky rope glide across my skin. He took his time binding my wrists and ankles together. He had them secure but not too tight. When he finished his art of bondage, he grabbed a spikey tool. I felt the tiny stabbing sensations run across my thighs, back, and arms. I immediately recognized this tool as a Wartenburg wheel. It’s one of my favorites. I felt his fingers caress the inside of my thighs. They trailed up to my glutes and lower back before I felt an abrupt smack across my ass. At some point he picked up a flogger and now I lay subject to the pleasurable pain inflicted upon me. I heard the whir of the flogger spinning in the air before it made contact with my skin. I moaned in pleasure as he continued.

I felt myself getting wet. I began dripping and felt the trickle of fluid running down the inside of my thighs. Clyde’s fingers caught it and reversed its trail back up until the tip of his fingers began massaging my clit. I continued moaning in his submission. He continued to sensually finger me while slowly un-tying me with the other hand.

Once all the rope was removed, Clyde instructed me to turn over and lay on my back. I felt more rope tangling and threading across my body. Package secured. Still blindfolded, I heard the sound of a vibrator buzzing by my ear. He was teasing me. The vibration sang it’s harmony. I was expecting the symphony to fade as it traveled it’s way between my things but instead I was pleasantly surprised with a different sensation all together. I felt him penetrate me with a hard, static, cylindrical toy. I leaned my head back and gasped. The thrusting in an out of me was welcomed and I took in every inch of it.

Clyde as the gamer leveled me up to the next destination like I was his avatar. He spread my lips, lifted my clitoral hood, and placed the vibrating wand directly on my clitoris. My body jerked and tensed and I lost my breath for a second. The pleasure was almost too much to handle at once. I felt as if I was teetering on the edge of insanity and euphoria. He turned the vibration on and off in a random sequence with no pattern for me to guess when my body will spin out of control again until suddenly I felt my body shoot to the sky and float for a split second until gravity set back in and brought my spirit back to my body. I let out a loud moan and was left panting for more oxygen with legs that felt like cooked spaghetti. I think the neighbors heard me.

I felt Clyde’s hands glide across my skin calming me down and reducing my heart rate. He treated me with water, fresh fruit, and sweet affirmations as we closed out the night.

Until next time.

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.

Abigail Van Buren

Romeo and I continued a relationship after our break up. We both went back into it with hopes for a better and more stable connection than before even if that meant we were to be friends with benefits. Everything was going very well until all of a sudden the pretty crystal tower we were building came crashing down once again. He was still a bit resentful that I broke up with him and all of those feelings seemed to remain hidden beneath a velvet cloak until its debut unbeknownst to me.

We began as friends and eventually decided to continue back to being “exclusive”. In this time Romeo stayed off dating apps and talking to other people to focus solely on me and I did the same… At least that’s what I thought. It’s a small world and sometimes the universe brings you the information you need without you having to ask for it. I received a message from one of my followers on Instagram of a snapshot of Romeo’s dating profile. She asked me if he was cool because she has seen him in my Instagram stories and wanted to shoot her shot. Or maybe he already reached out. I’m not sure who made contact first. All I know is that Romeo still had a profile on a dating app and that was not what we had agreed to.

I addressed it at which Romeo became irate and irritated that I even asked him about it. It baffled me how dismissive toward me he became. I explained to him that if he wanted to see other people, all he had to do was let me know and we could have worked something out. However, I know why he didn’t bring this to my attention. He knew that I would entertain others as well and Romeo is very possessive. This started an argument that never truly ended. I felt betrayed and he felt attacked but the truth of the matter is that he got caught. He claimed he didn’t have the apps installed on his phone. That may be true, however, his reaction after the confrontation only showed me how self-centered he is.

As time went on I adjusted. I remained cordial but certain ties to my emotions remained inaccessible. Typical scorpios want to know everything about you without releasing any information themselves. The benefits of having all of me faded. I kept my distance and gave him the bare minimum which only created more tension between us. Our last interaction ended with me slapping the shit out of him. Something I haven’t done to anyone in years.

Back up… what happened? I went to his place after I got off work. There was a ton of traffic and his place was along the way. I figured I could go to his place until the traffic died. By this point, Romeo knew my feelings for him was fading fast. He knew I wanted to entertain him simply for friendship and sexual interactions. I never kept this a secret and explained why I felt this way. I was also open to keeping my feelings free flowing to see where the relationship could go in the future.

When I arrived at his place, Romeo asked why I was there. His aggression toward me was rather childish and I found myself laughing at his immaturity. I informed him that there was a lot of traffic and that I came by to chill with him for a little while. He didn’t like that idea and began rambling nonsense of which I blocked out. I blocked it out because during his temper tantrum I received a call that an old friend of mine had died. It was considered a suicide, but family speculated that her abusive boyfriend may have killed her. I was shocked. I had just spoken to her the previous week.

I cut off Romeo in the middle of his tantrum and told him what happened as I began crying. I left Romeo’s house in an all out hysterical crying fit. Romeo didn’t want me to leave that way even though prior to receiving the news he was telling me how he wanted me out his place. I agreed to go back inside to calm down for a little while. Once the tears stopped falling, Romeo decided to continue to bring up any and everything about our relationship that he didn’t like. I told him, now is not the time. He informed me that it is the time because he didn’t know when he would see me again since I don’t come over there as often.

I kept telling him I need space right now because I just found out 5 minutes ago that my friend had died. He didn’t care. I tried to leave at which he grabbed my arm to prevent me from walking out the door. I went from zero to 1000 and exploded! There was a heated exchange of words followed by the palm of my hand making grand contact with the left side of his face. This was the end…The bridge was not to be rennovated or revamped. It must be burned. I happily set the fire myself.

Until next time.

The greatest gift you can give your romantic relationship is to become emotionally bouyant.

-Susan Wenzel

As my relationship with Romeo ended, another one began. This time, the currents flowed toward King Tut. Along came Essence. I knew one day it would be my turn to watch my husband become involved with another woman on a deeper level. King Tut was tired of his swinger ways and decided to shift gears toward a more polyamorous style.

It was our turn to trade places. I had no other lover at this point. Essence didn’t just show up and disappear. She’s been staying around which means now I have to meet this woman I’m sharing my husband with. As any human, I had mixed emotions. Before we met, I didn’t know much about her except that she was local and that she was young. A whole 8+ years our junior. This to me was a small red flag. King Tut and I have a lot to offer and I didn’t want anyone taking advantage of that. Despite that fact, I was open to meeting the new girl.

I know what you are going to ask or what you may be thinking. Threesome? NO! King Tut and I have found that hinge relationships work best for us. The threesomes and foursomes of our past were exciting and adventurous. I can’t say that they would never happen again, however, they are not something we aim for. I’d say it’s even a preference for my lover to not be involved with King Tut and I at the same time. By the same time, I only mean in the same bedroom. We can share but share separately… Make sense? Again, never say never…

So back to Essence… She was shy, stuck in her bubble, but making an effort to involve herself in this new world. She seemed very much in tuned spiritually and even reminded me a lot of myself. She was new to poly life. Not only curious but genuinely open to it after self reflection. Very much unlike Romeo, she made a decision that this was the kind of relationship she wanted. We were just blessed, or possibly cursed (time will tell), of being the first poly relationship she has been in. I liked her vibe. I could tell she was nervous to meet me but who wouldn’t be? I’m fucking intimidating.  I’m kidding lol. Or am I?

I asked King Tut where he would like to see the relationship go. We both knew that the possibilities were endless. They don’t like to put labels on anything and I get that mindset. I, however, am very technical and categorical. I literally store data in my head this way which effects how emotionally invested I am with someone. It’s also very easy for me to shift emotions like putting an old file in a new folder. I’ve learned to compartmentalize easily over the span of my life due to many traumas that I refused to let slow me down….even if maybe I needed to.

Essence got my semi-stamp of approval and King Tut wasted no time. She ended up spending the night at our house in my absence shortly after our meet and greet. This…. I did not like. Our thing was that we don’t have people spend the night unless the relationship is a bit more substantial than just sex and with it being so early in the game, and them not really defining the relationship, I wasn’t ok with having any ol’ person in our personal space. King Tut of course felt as if he did nothing wrong but later understood. Yes, Essence seemed cool but so did most people when you first meet them. Let’s give it a little time shall we?

With that being said, the fact that both seemed so enthusiastic to be involved with eachother, I prepared myself emotionally in knowing that there could possibly be nights in the future where I will sleep alone. Or hours that King Tut will be gone. Or meals that I eat alone. The best I can hope for is that Essence and I not only get along but also develop our own relationship to make this new arrangement work to the best of its ability. I always knew that whatever metamour I end up having, the relationship better be good… Or it’s going to be hell for everyone. Yep… Petty moment.

Until next time.

But new love only lasts so long, and then you crash back into the real people you are, and from as high as we were, it’s a very long fall, and we hit the ground with a thud.

–Marya Hornbacher

I’m not going to lie. Most of the the best moments with Romeo happened in the bedroom. Our relationship wasn’t toxic but instead full of miscommunications which lead to surprisingly explosive arguments from such minuscule subjects. Both of us consider ourselves to be great communicators so we both found it rather baffling that we had such a difficult time getting our points across with each other. The truth of the matter is that we are both stubborn and even assertively aggressive when it comes to communication. People looking for guidance, mentorship, or advice usually find their way seeking answers from us. This is what we are both use to.

A relationship with two leaders makes it difficult to navigate when both leaders believe their path is best or simply just want to explain their side of a situation. For me, you didn’t have to agree with my view, rather, I would want you to understand it. Romeo rarely showed any sign of understanding which left both of us frustrated. These explanations often came off as being defensive with no real solution on how to move forward. After an argument I always asked, “How do we fix it?” to which Romeo would continue to respond with “what has happened” and eventually shut down and become dismissive all together. He felt like I cut him off. The reality is that I was tired of talking about what has already happened and instead wanted to focus our energy into the things we can change.

The relationship became a cycle of high, beautiful, love and amazing sex followed by a what should have been insignificant differences, which lead to intense emotions and us not speaking to each other for a couple days until someone gave in and reached out. Sometimes, one of us became so dismissive that it frightened the other into thinking that “this person truly doesn’t care about me anymore” which caused a mad scramble to make up and restore the beautiful connection we both longed for.

The continued turbulence of the relationship, accompanied by all of the heavy burdens and problems of other obstacles, past and present, in our lives became too much for us. We decided to break up and learn to be friends or nothing at all. It was a decision that neither one of us wanted, but felt it was best for our sanity. Something had to truly change in the make-up of our characters. I learned that sometimes, being too much a like can cause clashes that will never subside until a new development occurs to reduce impact. We both had to find out what kind of cushion we could bring to the relationship. We had to learn a different language with each other.

This was a relationship that moved very fast and skipped over a lot of steps and conversations required for successful bonding between two people. King Tut and I were married within a year of us dating. However, we had a very clear goal of companionship and took all the steps in making sure we succeeded to reach that goal in a healthy and safe way. We did this quickly and efficiently. Nine plus years later we are still thriving.

Romeo and I did not take these steps for many reasons. For one, neither one of us expected to fall in love. Two, we didn’t even know what the relationship wanted to be when it grew up. His want for monogamy doesn’t work well at all with my polyamorous lifestyle and there isn’t really an ideal compromise. Sometimes I think this is a significant factor in his reactions toward me. I mean damn we both stepped into this with purely a sexual experience in mind. We would be friends with benefits at best. But we both got played by the universe and it took an emotional toll on the both of us that neither one of us was prepared for. We partly blamed the universe for it.

Romeo felt like the Creator was fucking with him because everything he has ever wanted is right in front of him….with a whole ass husband beside her. I just wondered what the lesson was in this. What should I be learning? And who the fuck told the Creator I wanted to be in love with someone else anyway? One was enough.

All jokes aside, challenges are presented to teach people or make people stronger. We don’t grow when things are easy. We grow when we are faced with challenges. I looked forward to the lesson with or without Romeo present in the future as a friend, foe, lover, or someone I use to know. My path forward was to focus on no ones actions but my own in the relationship. There is nothing I can do to change him. It didn’t matter if the break up was his fault or my own. I have full power and control to change only myself. With that being said, this was the end of Romeo.

Until next time…